100 Things Max Shouldn't Can't do
by Constant-Rae-of-Sunshine
Summary: What can't Max bring herself to do? What don't fans think she should do? Reviewers can make suggestions! Humor, and lots of fun!
1. Chapter 1

**100 Things Max can't/shouldn't do**

Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride... *tears* They belong to James Patterson...

~ ~ ~ Reviewers, Good ideas are accepted! ~ ~ ~

Ideas 1-10

**1. Cook **_**(not even toast!)**_

**2. Breakup with Fang **_**(No, I couldn't bear it!)**_

**3. Say "Hi" to Jeb**

**4. Work as a mailman:**

Postmaster: Here Max, take this mail, deliver it, and be back in 3 hours.

Max: Can I not take that dinky little truck?

Postmaster: Haha. How else are you going to get-urgh!

Max: (has lifted Postmaster by his collar) You know what? I'll just fl- never mind.

**5. Flight Director**

Max: Have a nice flight, although, I would be careful if I was you, these planes seem a bit dangerous...

Passenger: What? I have children with me, don't say those things!

Max: I dunno, I just don't like flying on planes, they seem so flimsy, I would rather fly there myself.

Passenger: ????

**6. Scientist**

**7. Doctor**

**8. Nurse**

**9. Lifeguard**_** (wings, remember?)**_

**10. Dancer **_**(see above)**_

Review, Please? Ideas are taken into consideration, also!


	2. Chapter 2

Thanx so much to **everythingiaskfor815 ** and **heartlesssuninveitablredarkness **for reviewing!!!

**Disclaimer: Wait for it... Wait for it... Darn! I still don't own Maximum Ride!**

Items 11-20

11. Pass up Dr. Martinez's chocolate chip cookies~ **everythingiaskfor815**

12. Date Ari (Eww!!!)

13. Date Iggy (Sorry, but she's Fangs girl)

14. Work at a pastry counter:

Customer: I'll have the chocolate chip cookie and the brownie.

Max: Cookie? What Cookies? Oooohhhh, THOSE cookies? Yeah... Umm... About that...

15. Spelling Teacher:

Max: Now students, please spell "stupendous."

Students: S-T-U-P-E-N-D-O-U-S

Max: Wrong! Everyone knows you spell it: S-T-O-O-P-E-N-D-I-S

Students: ???

16. Soap Opera Actress (I can just see her rolling her eyes and leaving)

17. Model:

Max: I don't think I look that good, guys

Fang: *drooling*

Other Models: *Sobbing in corner* (Max would totally show them up!)

18. Play "Heads Up 7 Up" (Whenever someone puts her thumb down, she'd flip them)

19. Volleyball

Max: Spiking is easy *reaches up* you just have to hit the ball over the net!

20. Work at a School Store:

Max: So, what would you like?

Student: I'd like an Eraser, please?

Max: How dare you! I don't think that is very funny! Where are Iggy and Gazzy, I bet they put you up to this!

Student: OK, OK, never mind, jeez!

**A/N: Again, Reviews are greatly appreciated. *Hand out cupcakes to reviewers* You guys are awesome!! Don't forget to make suggestions, they are always welcome!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

Items 21-30

A/N Thanx to the people who reviewed the first chapter... If no one reviews this chapter, I may delete the story...

Disclaimer: You may want to sit down for this: I don't own Maximum Ride. I know! I was shocked too, when they told me.

21. Sit for more then 5 minutes

22. Leave an innocent experiment at the school.

23. Say "no" to Bambi eyes

24. Go shopping willingly

25. Operate a hot air balloon (why would she need it?)

26. She would never wear a dress of her own will...

27. Max would never relinquish leadership of the flock

28. Scream (of course not!)

29. Allow Jeb to say "I'm sorry."

30. Say "no" while under Angel's mind control.

R&R Pleazies?


	4. Chapter 4

Ideas 31-40 (+ a BONUS, thanx to my good mood about all the reviews!)

A/N Thanx to everyone who reviewed, greatly appreciated! Cookies and Cake to you all!

Disclaimer: Maximum Ride isn't mind, cuz JP is a guy, and last time I checked, I'm not.

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31. Work for the School (thanx to SynchroStar16, and it was already on my list, just hadn't posted it yet :)

32. Work for Itex

33. Go to a normal school (and not leave or be kicked out within a year)

34. Take orders from others (especially adults)

35. Wear a white coat

36. Work in a lab

37. Race Harry Potter on broomsticks (who needs a race? We already know Max would win!)

38. Be a nurse.

39. Be a doctor or a surgeon.

40. Go to the doctor to have blood drawn:

Max: OK, so I'm fine, right?

Doctor: Yes, we just need to do the finger prick to test your blood.

Max: Alrighty then- hey! Wait! Finger prick? As in, needle?

Doctor: *laughs* Well, of course, isn't it- WAIT! Where are you going?

Max: See yah later, I ain't gonna stick around for that, mister!

(insert new character) Iggy: BOOM!

Doctor: Wait! Not the supply of needles! We need those for blood testing!

Iggy: Too late! (De-insert character)

BONUS(as promised!): Beat Omega in Weightlifting (Sadly, she can't. However, in a battle of the minds, Max totally whups him.)

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A/N I luvs the reviews! I treasure each and every one. Even if you have no ideas or comments, even just a review to say, Hey! I'm out there and I'm reading your story! Would be nice! Thanx again!

R&R with cherries on top?

~CM222


	5. Chapter 5

Items 41-50

**A/N Thanx so much to all my lovely reviewers out there!! I have been trying to respond to all the reviews, but to any of you who I may have forgotten, Thanx and extra Choc-Chip cookies to you!!!!**

**And I have now reached the half way point! I think I may have bored some of you with the last installment, so I hope to bring some laughs out of you in this one!!!**

**And now, enough of my ramblings, Read On!!!!**

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41. Max should never, ever be bestest friends with Lissa. Ever. **(Suggested by addicted-2-oxygen)**

42. No dating anyone other then Fang. That includes Sam, the evil jerk. **(see above)**

43. Sadly for Angel, Max should never play poker with our favorite mind reader. She gets cheated out of WAY too much money.

44. Stop bullets. (but she can do a fairly good job of dodging them)

45. Resist from insulting any creation of Itex's sent to destroy her flock.

46. Not take care of a sexist pig.

Max: So, how about this swimsuit? Ella, I think your's looks great!!!

Ella: Thanks, Max! I think you look awesome, too! Iggy, what do you think?

Iggy: If I could put two letters in the alphabet together, it would be U and I.

Ella: *blushes*

Max: *smack* Iggy! Stop hitting on my sister!

Iggy: *rubs cheek* Sorry, Max, but she's as good, if not better, then bacon! *runs away really really fast*

Max: *growls* I'm gonna get him...

47. Live a quiet life for more then a few days... (something always happens!)

48. See a buffet without running for it and pigging out.

49. Kill a member of the flock. (NOOOOOOOOOO)

50. Hide her thoughts from Angel... (Alright, I bet you're looking at me like "who are you kidding, of course she can't," but just think how many pretty frustrating situations not being able to hide her thoughts from Angel has gotten her into? I think it deserves a place on the list."

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**A/N And thats all for now, folks! *cue cheesy music***

**Thanks! And this time, I'm not gonna ask for reviews. If you want to, and have the time, then great! Otherwise, it would be selfish of me to waste the time you could otherwise be spending perusing the other fanfics on this site on reviewing my story! Also, If you want me to read your fanfic, just tell me, and I'll try to get around to it! I know there are some hidden jewels out there somewhere and I'd love to read them!**

**Bye Bye, and Thanx for now!**

**~CM222**


	6. Chapter 6

Items 51-60

**A/N On with the show!**

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51. Turn invisible (That is Fang's job)

52. Fly (Oh wait, she can... never mind!)

52. (again!) Talk to birds... sadly that doesn't come with the DNA

53. Eat birdseed

54. Lose in a Tae-Kwon-Do contest (butt whupper, remember?)

55. Pass for a 12 year old

56. Wear high heels (trip... fall... crash... "ouch!")

57. Die... NEVER!!!!

58. Forgive Itex or the School... they are way too evil

59. Breathe... (when Gazzy "lets one loose")

60. Resist showing up jocks:

Max: Sooooo, you think you're all big and strong?

Jock: Uh, yeah? Who are you kidding?

Max: I'll arm wrestle you, whoever wins gets to kick the other's butt....

Jock: *smirks* This is gonna be so easy!

*arm wrestle*

_**Next day...**_

Angel: Max, you have a bruise on your eye!

Max: Heh heh... Just wait till we get to school, Angel!

_**At School...**_

Jock: *looks like he was hit by a freight train*

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**A/N Mwahahaha! Go Max!**

**R&R.... or I'll sic Max on you! Not that I have her.... heh heh... nope, not me!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N Hey my readers out there! I know it's been a while... Sorry! I've been swamped around here... hopefully I don't get too much homework over Thanksgiving Break :) To everyone who has reviewed up to this point:**

**heartlessuninveitabledarkness: Thanks for reviewing 4 times! :D**

**everythingiaskfor815: I can't believe I forgot that option... Thanks again for reviewing!**

**2XdarkwingsX2: Thinking about it, I just don't know if I can come up with enough ideas, it's harder then it looks!**

**WingedWerewolf: Thanks Bunches!**

**SynchroStar16: Yuppers :D**

**addicted-2-oxygen: xD haha :) TWO suggestions, I felt so special...**

**Gontulet: I PMed you about the comment... thanks for reviewing :D**

**emokitcat: I loved 60, too! Probably my favorite to date...**

**gunmunz: Just wait: to be used in this chapter... Thanx!**

**So, thank you to all reviewers :D (I do that a lot...)**

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Items 61-70

61. Max should never use guns **(suggested by gunmunz)**

62. Ignore the Voice, it gives too much useful info!

63. Eat chicken (I know she does, it just seems 2% canniballistic!)

64. Resist Angel's mind control (NOT the same as block Angel talking to her)

65. Find Fang (He's either invisible, or still with St. Fang of Boredom- I luvs your stories :D:D:D:D:D:D)

66. Resist making cracks about the Uber-Director

67. Be anywhere public without being attacked by something extremely annoying

68. Be a counselor-

Max: Soooo, what's wrong with YOU?

Patient: Umm... I keep seeing things jump out at me!

Max: The best remedy is to turn around and punch whoever is playing with you really hard in the stomach.

Patient: Umm... OK?

_**Next Week**_

Patient: *sobbing*

Max: What now?

Patient: I did like you said, and I punched the guy, and, and, It was my husband, and I punctured his appendix, and he had to go to the hospital!

Max: ... Oops?

69. Give advice in a newspaper advice column (see above.)

70. Own a cat, for obvious reasons.

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**A/N I had to have my appendix removed... not a fun thing. It hurts like no other, and you can't even move to sit up the next morning... OUCH!**

**R&R?**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N So, I'm insanely happy that I made it to 15 reviews! Thanks to: **edwardismyromeo (Your review nearly made me jump around with happiness!), The Layman (Thanks, I was terrified that the story wasn't funny enough), and addicted-2-oxygen (ANOTHER suggestion! :D) **Anyways, here are numbers 71-80!**

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Items 71-80

71. Live without Fang for too long without breaking down **(edwardismyromeo)**

72. Admit she loved Fang to anyone BUT him **(edwardismyromeo)**

73. Show emotion to whitecoats **(edwardismyromeo)**

74. Be locked in a room with Nudge for too long :

Nudge: "You know, we've lived all these years together and I never knew you're favorite color. What is it? Mine's pink, obviously, but yours wouldnt be pink. Maybe blue or green or black right? Like a lot of your clothes. That reminds me we need to get new clothes. Oh lets go get makeovers. We can get clothes from Hollister, some haircuts, and Sephora just came out with this awesome eye shadow color... don't even ask how I know I'm just so in touch with things... speaking of that, did you hear about Taylor Lautner and Swift? God they are so not good for each-"

Max: ARGH GET ME OUT OF HERE! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING! **(edwardismyromeo)**

75. Betray the Flock, her Mom, or Ella **(edwardismyromeo)**

76. Max should never go shopping with Nudge by herself:

Nudge: "Wow! we need this, and this... oohh this is pretty, and this, and those... OMG do you see-"

Max: "NO! Please Nudge, STOP BUYING THINGS FOR ME!!"

Nudge: *Bambi eyes* "But Max..."

Max: "Fine... stupid bambi eyes!"

*Max returns with 24 shopping bags and a maxed out credit card...* "Blame Nudge everyone!" **(addicted-2-oxygen)**

77. Keep a shirt clean (I mean seriously, they're always covered in blood and dirt

78. Watch chick flicks with Nudge without *having a Voice attack*

79. Talk without sarcasm to the voice

79. Get an answer from the Voice

80. But something Max CAN do is pretend to be dead and actually convince people she's dead. So, unfortunately, I can't put that as something she can't do. :( -- :)

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**A/N I luvs reviewers, but I totally don't expect it. I mean, even I don't review everything I read, simply from lack of time. However, if you have a suggestion, I will post it (as long as it's appropriate content for a K+ story...) :D Toodles!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N I'm really really really sorry guys! I know it's been ages since I've updated, but I've been really busy! We had so much snow, and I've had mountains of homework, I've been preparing for a performance, and my Mom has cut back on computer time. :(**

**Anyway, thanks to the following for reviewing the last chapter!**

Alice Wiggin

and The Layman

**Thanks again for the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride, or any related characters... Sadly, because if I did, I would quit school and buy a big house on the top of a mountain where annoying people couldn't find me and stupid people would get lost. (Is it obvious that I'm a little annoyed at the moment?)**

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Items 81-90 (almost there! :D )

81. Say "I lurve you Fang!" To Fang (or anyone else) **(Alice Wiggin)**

82. She definitely should NOT ask Iggy and Gazzy what they are doing if they are messing with anything vaguely electronic looking.

83. Compose country song lyrics:

_And the whitecoats_

_Fell out of the boat_

_And then they drowned_

_And... umm... _

_Their dog-fish hybrid drowned..._

And that is why.

84. Write romance novels- I get the feeling they would all have sappy things about a mysterious dark stranger...

85. Join the navy- Air force all the way!

86. Read this fanfiction, she might kill me for giving away all her weaknesses...

87. Learn the meaning of the word FAX- she might kill everyone else...

88. Go to a spa:

Masseuse: Max, you can undress and wrap in a towel now!

Max: Riiiight- thats a good one. No really, what do you actually want me to do?

Masseuse: Umm...?

89. Let Angel mind control people at a candy shop.... I can just imagine what they would leave with... scary!

90. Explain to a curious Angel what a candy cane is:

Angel: Max? What's a candy cane? (Remember, these are deprive children we're talking about)

Max: It's like that old man over there's cane, except made of candy, and it's white with red stripes.

Angel: *goes over to old man* Do you have any candy canes? Because I've been told that they look like your cane. Why do you have a cane?

Old Man: *starts crying because he just got the cane 10 minutes ago after a major surgery*

Angel: OOOhhhhh, oops!

Max: *slaps head*

Iggy: Good job Max, good job.

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**The next chapter will be the last. I'm kinda sad to let her go, she's my first fanfiction. Ah well, on to bigger and better things!**

**Happy Holidays: Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy New Year! Happy Kwanza! Umm... I don't know anymore, so it what I listed wasn't what you celebrate, well, then happy whateveryoucelebrate!**

**Toodles 4 now!**


	10. Chapter 10: THE END

**A/N Sadly, the end has come. Every author fears the end of their first fanfic! I love each and every one of my reviewers, so I'm going to list the reviewers for each chapter, and then there will be an announcement at the end of the chapter. I got 8 suggestions, btw, so there are going to be 10****5**** things as a special treat to all you awesome people out there. **

**Chapter 1:**

everythingiaskfor815

heartlesss unineveitable darkness (sorry, it won't let me post it all as one name)

**Chapter 2:**

heartlesss unineveitable darkness

**Chapter 3:**

heartlesss unineveitable darkness

Gontulet

SynchroStar16

WingedWerewolf

XxXxXxXDarkWingsXxXxXxX

**Chapter 4:**

addicted-2-oxygen

**Chapter 5:**

Seraphina611572

**Chapter 6:**

gunmunz

emokitcat

**Chapter 7:**

addicted-2-oxygen

The Layman

edwardismyromeo

**Chapter 8:**

The Layman

Alice Wiggin

**Chapter 9:**

edwardismyromeo

The Layman

Seraphina611572

BelPreemie

Nighthawk21

faxnesslover

**Phew! That was a lot! Alright, sad as I am, here's the disclaimer for the last time:**

**I don't own Maximum Ride! **

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Ideas 91-105! THE END!!!!

91. Max should never play football **(faxnesslover) **because if she got tackled she might beat that person up, because she wouldn't know that tackling is part of the game.

92. Max should never have valium around the flock **(Nighthawk21)**

93. Help Ig and Gaz build a bomb **(BelPreemie) **either she would blow everyone up, or yell at Iggy and Gazzy not to blow everyone up

94. Never be friends with a redhead **(BelPreemie)**

**(I would like to insert that items 95-99 are from edwardismyromeo)**

95. Let anyone she cares about dye their hair red

96. Be trapped in an elevator with Gazzers without suffering trauma:

Max: Don't worry Gazzy, I'll get us out of here!

Gazzy: *sheepish smile* Sorry Max...

Max: Ahh, I'm drowning in it! -FART- Can't breathe! My eyes!

97. Let Nudge, Ella, or Angel make her over unless she was bribed with chocolate chip cookies, given bambi eyes or overruled forcibly.

98. Offer Total DOG FOOD

Max: Yeah, cuz feeding DOG FOOD to a DOG is totally abnormal!

Fang: Well, who said we were normal?

99. Enjoy being trapped in small places

**(the rest are mine!)**

100. Get lost- internal compass and all that...

101. Wear flipflops while flying:

Max: Oops, there goes the shoes!

Random passerby: Ouch! *is rushed to hospital for brain injuries*

Max: Whoops...

102. Go on a McDiet... (Supersize Me- if you haven't seen it, then don't ask)

103. Become lactose intolerent (how can you eat choc-chip cookies without milk?)

104. Go to the hospital

105. (the last one :'(. ) Cry. Yup. That's about it! I'm fresh out of 'em!

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**A/N Drumroll please! No? Okay then... The special announcement is that I have been told more then once that I should do sequels for different characters, and I have decided to do one for Angel, with the help of The Layman. If you enjoyed this 100 things story, then please look for 100 things Angel is NOT allowed to do! **

**As always, reviews are loved, and even though it's the last chapter, I still want to know how I did. Thanks again to everyone who has read this fic, even if you didn't review, you read it (and hopefully laughed) and that's what counts!**

**And now *sobs* I have to say goodbye, adios, sayonara, whatever, to this story!**


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